Roman Marriage From a Wife's Perspective

What a Roman Woman Could Have Hoped for and Feared in a Marriage

Jun 25, 2009

From fertility anxieties to fatal beatings, the experience of being a wife in ancient Rome and the pressures this responsibility came with.

The ideas surrounding the topic of a woman’s role in a marriage, or indeed in any part of society, have only changed during the last century. For thousands of years much remained the same, therefore it is remarkably easy to associate views held during the Republican period with those held as recently as the 1950s. The image is universal and instantly recognisable as something the founders of Stepford could be proud of. The representation is accessible due to the coinciding invention of mass-market television and subsequent adverts for dishwashers. This was before women had careers and the solution to occupy her time with housework was clearly a sensible one.

A Roman woman’s perspective is nearly impossible to come by as all official reports and sources were written by men, hence those are the only extensive points of view we have. Even the epitaphs on their tombs were written by the men they left behind, therefore probably only reflecting the sentiments that a woman was supposed to have. The rare accounts that exist are from women are in letters, but most were written on papyrus which perished long before the 21st Century. Even in these few sources the emotions and opinions are cautiously guarded.

Future Prospects

Marriages, being more practical than romantic, were commonly arranged by family members and, as both bride and groom rarely had any say in the matter, it really was luck of the draw for either side. Very few held any romantic expectations of their prospective life together. Less was at stake for a woman, for she had no career outside of marital commitments. Normally she was simply transferred from her father’s ownership to her husband’s in what was called a manus marriage. Thereafter, her husband and his children were her only career. Occasionally, according to Pliny the Younger, a woman may be paired with an athletic and good-looking man as a “reward for her chastity”.

Fertility and Motherhood

In Ancient Rome it was perfectly acceptable to enquire as to a future bride’s fertility, it was even expected. Women were “married for the sake of bearing children and heirs” and not for their “pleasure and enjoyment” as stated by Soranus. As this was a point long before penicillin, time was of the essence so women were married off as young as seven years of age and were expected to bear children one after the other as soon as they hit puberty. Infant mortality rates were high so large families were not common.

The continuation of the family line was extremely important to a roman husband, sterility, therefore, would have caused serious marital problems. Some wives, on discovering that they could not conceive, even offered to divorce their husbands, as they felt they had failed their purpose. Miscarriages were understandably common and always traumatic, especially so when the family was in desperate need to produce a male heir.

Marital Relationships

Wives were expected, although it may not have been openly discussed, to ‘earn’ their keep in a marriage and often served their husbands as if they were their masters. This they are reported to have done as a matter of personal pride, granted that all records were kept by men; it is always preferable to have a successful husband in Roman society. She should add to and cultivate her husband’s political connections. The words “Through my constant care, my husband flourished.” can be found on the epitaph of a woman who died in the 1st Century BC which probably refers to her dedication to her husband on a personal as well as a professional level. Women who treated her husband with respect, in turn earned respect themselves from their spouse as well as from others.

Her attitude towards her husband and general demeanour about the home had to been in keeping with his emotions. “A wife should have no emotion of her own”, says Plutarch, but should be guided but the strict premise of ‘laugh when he laughs, cry when he cries’. These expectations were not slackened in acknowledgment of a girl’s youth. Girls grew up fast and it was hoped a young woman would show the dignity of a matron before reaching her teens. As the empire grew and men were sent away to manage colonies and armies, wives were sometimes required to follow unquestioningly and accompany their husbands to wherever he was ordered to what must have seemed like the end of the world.

Perfect Marriages and Wife Beating

It is difficult to know whether ‘perfect’ marriages existed, as ideals have only been documented by men, or whether the happiness in some marriages was due to a woman’s deference to her husband on any occasion rather than a mutual compromise. Those wives who displeased their husbands were often abused, sometimes for the most inconsequential of things. In Memorable Deeds and Words, Valerius Maximus gives the account of Egnatius Mecenius who “beat his wife to death with a club because she had drunk some wine.” Husbands were well within the law to exact the death penalty on their spouses.

Value of a Wife

Although being a Roman wife sounds, and usually was, hard and often unfair roman women were actually praised in their obituaries for their talents in home-making, wool-working and everyday tasks, a tradition unheard of in recent centuries, including this one. It is hard to remain unimpressed by a roman woman’s ability to cope with the pains taken to meet the requirements necessary to be perfect and the misfortunes thrown in by biology, yet despite the obvious imbalance of the sexes, a wife was one of the most important things a roman man could have. She came to be regarded as a personal statement, telling others about the type of man he was, much like a watch or a car does today and was, usually in no way under-appreciated.

Sources

The copyright of the article Roman Marriage From a Wife's Perspective in Roman History is owned by Claudia J. Beresford. Permission to republish Roman Marriage From a Wife's Perspective in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.